i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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