I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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