I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
