and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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