I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
