What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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