Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
