I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
