i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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