I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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