That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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