I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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