you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The struggles of a small town man whore
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