We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
