If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize