I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
