So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
