I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh god it's open bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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