I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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