remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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