dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
