so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
