You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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