Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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