You really coming over, don't trick.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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