Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
