Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
