did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
