she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How's work?
Spinning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How external is "for external use only"?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
