R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
