So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
