i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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