I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
