the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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