the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
