so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
