I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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