I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
