I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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