You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
