How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
