i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
