im drinking this country out of the recession.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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