Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
