Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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