Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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