the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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