I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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