my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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