yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think your dad took our porno
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
