I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
