Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
