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She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
