whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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