I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
