I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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