thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
