i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
