Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
