Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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