Umm I'm too high to move.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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