3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your mouth is God's brothel.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
