Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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