My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
