There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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