hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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