tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
