If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
