You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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