Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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