is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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