Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
