it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
