i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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