The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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