next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
