And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I met the friendliest cop last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
