wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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