Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
