I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
