It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
