the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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