i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
