A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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