Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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